Three months in

When my son was three weeks old, I wrote a little brain dump post of the things I had learned so far. He’s now nearly four months old and I’ve learned a heck of a lot since then. Below is another brain dump of the advice/thoughts/tips from a mum who’s three months in. Again, let me stress that I have no expertise at all here, I’m just winging it as best I can…! And forgive me for the fact that I’ve barely edited it, I blame the baby.

Thoughts from three months in…

• If you’ve ever accidentally taken home a sweat towel from a spin class, they make superb changing mat liners. 
• No matter how often you try, a yawning baby doesn’t want your nipple in their mouth, even if it would create the perfect latch. 
• Every bottle advert that promises their bottle is different and that your fusspot baby will take it is lying. Take it from someone who owns 7 different bottles and still has a son that will only drink from the source. 
• If you forget to take your breast pads out when you go swimming, they WILL swell up and you will take half the pool with you in your swimsuit when you get out. 
• Virtually every digital download or book you can buy to solve sleep issues will require you to follow a routine of some sort and the act of buying the book is not enough to fix things. Gutted. 
• Put your kid in 3-6m stuff sooner than you think you need to – some of my son’s stuff is seriously snug because he’s a super chunk and he could have been wearing it a month earlier at least. This is particularly key for stuff like dungarees or anything that’s not got a bit of stretch. 
• Don’t bother with ‘outfits’ in the beginning – the first six weeks are all about sleepsuits. You can worry about getting socks and tops and leggings on and off once you’ve got through the first six weeks. Vests and sleepsuits are your staple until then.
• I’ve said this before but just when you think you’re comfortable, BAM! Something will change. My baby slept really well from weeks 10-14 and then it all went haywire again. Everything is a phase, even the good bits. 
• Baby finger nails are thin as paper and razor sharp. Choose your weapon and trim them weekly lest you get raked in the face or clawed in the nipple. 
• Have at least two baby sleeping bags. One of them WILL be compromised by wee/poo/milk at some point (if not daily) and it’s so much easier to just pop them in another one than fanny about with blankets. 
• Even if you tie your hair up, your baby WILL find a way to grab the wispy bits behind your ears and yank. 
• Hunting for burps that may or may not exist can slowly drive you insane. This remains my least favourite mundane baby related chore. Breathe deeply and audibly to relax yourself and your baby may well follow suit. In my experience a relaxed baby will bring up a burp more easily than a rigid one. 

• You can buy every toy on Amazon and take out shares in Lamaze and yet if your baby is anything like mine, his favourite thing in the world will still be your thermostat. 
• Look out for Aldi baby events where they sell travel packs of wipes that are perfect for changing bags. 
• There is no sound more horrendous than your baby in pain. It’s completely ok to cry when they have their vaccinations. Don’t forget to take Calpol to their 8 & 16 week jabs as one of the jabs is likely to give them a temperature. Always remember your red book. I’m really good at forgetting mine.
• A tumble dryer might become your best friend but don’t get cavalier – it’s made my gro bags go a bit warped around the zip. I think almost anything M&S or John Lewis branded is able to go in the tumbler. Watch out for brands like Zara. Anything very elastic can also be a red flag. 
• Every baby is different – there is no joy to be found in comparing your baby to a friend’s when it comes to sleep, feeding, milestones etc.
• Find a mum tribe. I did NCT and have found such a wonderful group of mums (and dads) – we text daily, meet up regularly, and are friends, cheerleaders, and shoulders to cry on as needed. I count myself very lucky to have found such good people with which to share the highs and lows of baby wrangling. If you can’t do NCT or a similar antenatal class, go to parent and baby events and you will find some.
• Don’t bother with any Instagram influencer mums that make you feel rubbish. Follow good ones, funny ones, honest ones. 
• When you’re finding it tough, hold out for the smiles. Smiles become giggles, which are the best noise in the world. Once you get to regular smiling, even the toughest days can be instantly lifted by a gorgeous gummy grin. Hang in there.
• It’s never too early to read or sing to babies and this is a great back up if you’re at a loss with what to do with your baby. Check if your local library does Rhyme Time and go along. I can’t promise you won’t end up with Five Little Ducks going round your head on a loop as you pound the pavements with the pram. I’ve become very good at freestyling extra verses in The Wheels on the Bus.  Bonus points if your songs have actions. 
• In fact, it’s worth noting that anything can be turned into an entertaining song if you’re committed. I sang a whole song about washing the sick out of my hair to him while I was in the shower the other day. He thought it was hilarious.
• Again, I’ve touched on this before but I can confirm the ‘breastfeeding helps you lose weight’ thing doesn’t work if you’re eating 3,000 calories a day in crumpets and cake. I’m just as disappointed as you are. 
• You will spend a small fortune on a pram and then spend a small fortune again when you need a travel friendly version. Same goes for a cot. 
• A Baby Bjorn Original is a great starter sling for when your baby is tiny as it’s very easy to get baby in and out. (NB – it’s currently available from Aldi for less than £50!) When he or she gets too heavy to be comfortably carried in the Bjorn, consider going to a sling library or sling shop to test out some more long term slings. Slings are like jeans – different styles will be more or less comfortable depending on your shape. If you’re in the South East I would really recommend a consultation with Hannah at Wear My Baby in Tooting. She was absolutely brilliant. 
• Do not buy a million things while pregnant – you’re depriving future you of the fun of shopping for necessities while you’re on mat leave. 
• Aim to have at least one activity that gets you out if the house each day. Spending the entire day inside on the sofa watching Criminal Minds can erode your mental health. Unless it’s pissing it down in which case go forth. 
• Developing an unhealthy infatuation with Spencer from Criminal Minds is completely acceptable while on maternity leave. 
• Talking about yourself in the third person to your child is also completely normal and ok. Mummy just needs to ensure that ‘mummy’ is your first word, ok poppet?
• Find cafes with pram space and patronise them loyally. 
• Sometimes it feels like you take two steps forward and one step back. Sometimes a new behaviour will take weeks for your baby to learn, other times they crack it overnight. I never used to be able to put my baby down to nap and then suddenly he would go down without a fuss. Be patient with yourself when you’re finding it difficult. None of this is easy and you’re almost certainly not giving yourself enough credit for how well you’re doing.